Old crow, also known as crack crowcaine.

1000ml, with a street value of $8.95. A must in outdoor living room sessions.

Wow, I just realized I did two dick posts in a row, sorry about that, I just post whatever's in front of the camera lens. No more peens for a while...

Erik payne: A father, a hero.

Erik Payne isn't your average middle aged man but rather the embodiment of the word party, or maybe the words hideous train-wreck. Being the guitarist for Andrew WK, he has shown us that our mom was right when she said rock stars don't all live glamorous lives. Either way, Erik Payne is having more fun than any of us will at his age, or at our current age for that matter. And with such quotes as: "This is the smallest penis I've ever had" and "Fuck Andrew WK, I party way harder than that pussy", how could you hate him? So let's all take a quick reminder from Erik and have fun everyday, even if we don't remember it...

It's messy, but it feels better: July's period

We're going to take a little tangent from the scheduled post to bring you this month's Period. This one's short and sweet and guaranteed to make your mom block this site. Don't forget to come back at the beginning of the week, where the saga will continue... and while you're not forgetting, also don't forget to add us on twitter by clicking the link on the top right of the screen. k thnxbye!

Does anyone have tampons? Period tomorrow.

Kitchen counters: able storage or waste of square-footage?

What's that thing jutting out from the wall? No thanks. With the nation's economy in such a rut, we need to start conserving and creating space at every opportunity. Just don't try this at mom's place.

You remember that band Andrew W.K.? You know, this one? Well the lead guitarist of that band, who can be seen at 2:25 in this video (and various other times in the video smacking himself in the face with a pillow) has recently discovered our house, and likes to hang out there, a lot. Stay tuned to see what kind of things Erik Payne likes to do...

Tetanus? Gangrene? Amoebas? Muck party.

Pizza roll challenge, or puke party surprise?

Challenges are always fun and usually involve abusing the limits of one's body to the point of pain, entertainment, in other words. So it was a perfect opportunity to take a challenge up in response to this youtube video. Forty pizza rolls per participant all within four minutes, but the tricky part didn't come until the end, when a shotgun-ready beer was waiting for you at the finish line. Some held it down, but for the most part it turned into a projectile pizza puke contest. Thank you Jesseherdfatfuck, for the creative inspiration, you silly devil you.
If you haven't checked again, the end of "Independence night Part 2" has been updated with some marvelous mugshots worth checking out. While your at it, there's some heated debate in the comment section (recently relabeled "The Viper Pit") of last post that's worth while too...Go BoNgRiPpEr420!

Independence day night: part 1

Independence day, an excuse to start fires, suck titties, and blow shit up just like our forefathers of the revolution, except we don't die. They'd be so proud if they could just see what has become of their holiday: dirty animal group sex, firework head-shots, and all around respect for the past and what it means to our future. Get your history straight kids, Will Smith didn't kill all those aliens for us just to be forgotten.

Indepencence day night: part 2, the defeat

You still with us? Well apparently that whole freedom thing only has significance on certain days of the week, and dirty animal sex is frowned upon by most of the legal system. So, starting with a simple noise complaint from the little old lady down the road, the July 4th casselberry massacre began. One fish, two fish, uncle Sam was ready to fuck whoever stood in the way, with the long dick of the law. He did just that, and lord almighty, what a fuck it was.
mug update: a couple of the mugs from 4th can be seen here, here, here, and here...wow. and the cops never found the crack.

It's that time of the month again.

It's time for the second monthly installment of the B-roll, known now as the period. Once a month, bleed out all the extras, how perfect? Enjoy, we're flowing heavy this month...

Dodger Mcshadow 1987-2009.

The Dodge Shadow won't be entertaining the children anymore. She won't house our trash and she won't tell tales of late night sunrises. And though her spot in the yard may be empty now, our eyes are filled with tears in place. The Shadow, you see, was a massive metal giving tree. She gave and gave all she could until there was nothing left, and when there was nothing, she still stayed for the show. The Shadow is now gone, as her name, in the shadows. As Kahil Gibran once said; For what is to die, but to stand in the sun and melt into the win? And when the earth has claimed our limbs, it is only then that we shall truly dance.
Rust in peace.

Look ma! in the dirt!

You thought that crack about makeup sex was a joke? No metaphors here.

In news, we've recently lost a dear friend, some one very close...it's The Dodge Shadow. Stay tuned for our memorial service on thursday.

Sorry for the slack, we've been busy at the office. Stop by monday morning for makeup sex.

Hey you... no peter play on the porch.

They say people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, of course that saying must transfer over pretty well to jacking off on your front porch too. You know, they say a lot of things, but that's a new one.
Moving along, what do you get when you cross 5am with an uncalled for slap across the face? Why it's the late night body slam challenge! Let's go to the judges...and it's a ten!

Lakers suck on turtle-heading pieces o poop.

When flaming shots go bad, well... But when they go as planned, superpowers ensue, dance sessions erupt, and cross-eyes commence. Godspeed knuckleheads.

Rock steady: snorting viagra for breakfast

Recently, there have been accusations of HFK! getting "soft"... Humbug. It's not that Hereforkicks! is losing it's oomph, it's just that *deep inhale* with the current number of websites similar, but not equal to us in content, the use of nudity as a draw-in mechanism is well over-saturated. Nudity is like medication, and we're the doctor who prescribes it to you at very high quality, in the correct doses. You see, any inept blockhead can yank his pants down and do the wristwatch, but it takes effort and calculation to stack up six hundred forty-two Sunny delights and then shove one in your ass. With all that said, if you still want to just see some random guy's dicks then here you go, weirdos...

Whatever floats your boat: May's B-roll.

All the photos that don't make the trek from hard drive to front page, where do they go? Will they be floating around in oblivion for the rest of their existence? Well they would be, but why waste a good laugh?

It's a pleasure to introduce the first of our monthly b-roll feature. The b-roll will appear at beginning of every month and will contain photo's of events from the previous month that may not have shown up on the main page. A good solution for would-be forgotten masterpieces.

"Now I've got piss on my leg..."

It's a fabulous thing, forking cash over the counter all night just so you can get to the point that scribbling piss on your leg with a needle makes all the sense in the world. Perfect.

Last week's titty contest went off well and a special thanks goes to Rob Sawyer of Leesburg, VA, for the winners you see below, enjoy your tee Roberto, don't tell mom how you got it...

I eat cake like everyday's my birthday.

What do you get when you cross a house-show and a huge pair of titties? Well... it's not really anything, but you're looking at it. Let's play a game eh? The person that sends a pic of the best pair of boobs with "Hereforkicks!" written across them this week gets a free bottlecap tee (nothing illegal please). That's a free shirt and that's wassup. Let the games begin.
Entries go to Hereforkicks@gmail.com