The results for the Dickhead tee pole that we posted last week are in! Sixty-nine percent, that's right, sixty nine percent of you thoroughly enjoyed the over-sized throbber, which means the cock will hit the press and hopefully be available next week.. Other news.. Joey Juaristi III turned 22 years of age last night. What better way to celebrate, than to throw up all over your favorite bar and have someone else clean it up... Party at 71N. tonight! Suck it.
Mark Mulville trails and street in Pittsburg...UGP from chad degroot on Vimeo. Yet another ingenious work of video from the unstoppable duo; Bob-o Valentine and Mark Mulville. There's some Kris in there too, so here's a somewhat relevant picture of him looking like a train wreck...
The Welcome jam at Mark Potoczny's house went off this weekend. Seems as if this picture of Mark M. can represent what went on pretty well.. Riding trails and gettin high. He not only won the height contest at 21.5 feet, but also the town drunk of the night.. Congrats!
A Mustache. Mere hair sprouting from one's upper lip?.. Or a badge of manly pride that shouts "RESPECT; I get it"... Decide for yourself while you get me my TV dinner.
All sexuality aside, 69ing is a terribly difficult skill to master, and leaping tip first into a procedure this delicate can lead to devastaing results. Pittsburgh's beloved Producer/director/Dr. pepper connoiseur; Bobby Valentine knows the consequences first-hand, as he shows. Watch for some hot new stuff from Welcome to Pittsburgh in the near future... Get-well-soon wishes can go Here.
There's a fresh run of Fork tees that are eagerly waiting to lay themselves just below your chesthair/clevage area. Give them a look-see and pick one up in the "interests" section of the Hfk! myspace for only 14 dollhairs!.. Get 'em while they're horny.
Ponytail cuts and tree house sluts... A mighty big congratulations goes out to -Joey Juaristi- for being the only gentleman ever to call into work at four in the morning and let his boss know, "I can't come into work tomorrow because you have a needle dick", when he wasn't even scheduled to work the following day... Brilliance.
No fancy intro here... Just for your viewing pleasure; A delightfully unspeakable Timothy Colten Fake interview.
Alright! How many days have you been alive? Colt: close to 7,300. ill be 20 in august
Occupation? Colt: none really right now. for the past couple years its always been like i work for my dad for awhile doin construction stuff at universal and what not,get a bunch of money from it then do somthin dumb to get fired and try to make the money from that last long as possible without a job, then come broke time, the dust has usually settled and i can be hired again haha
So why did you get fired last week? Colt: from drinking on weekdays and stayin up till 4 when i have to get up and go to work at 6am to 5:30pm. it got to the point to were i was using my lunch breaks to sleep not eat,go to the bathroom to "shit" to get cat naps, and i once i fell asleep putting a door knob on.finally one morning i jsut couldnt get up. so i called into the boss guy under my dad(hellboy), and told him i was running late, jsut so i can sleep for a little bit more. then to me what felt like 5 min, i guess was a hour later my dad came in my room bitching and i was like o dont worry i talked to hellboy 5 min ago and told him i was running late and he said ok hurry up. then my dad was like yeah that was over a hour ago, jsut stay in bed your fired.
How many hairs do you have on your chin? Colt: i just shaved today, but by tomrorow ill have like 20 little pricklely guys on there
Explain in detail the last time you banged.. Colt: haha this past tuesday,it was my first time getting caught by my dad! i got this girl that lives next neighborhood over to take a bottle of wine from her house and -come get me- cuz i knew of a sweet 27 story hotel that the roof door is unlocked. so we went and got drunk on the highest place in orlando, then broke shit on are way out,and found shit ton of candy in a confrence room!back at my house tthe hornyness started to kick in.started bangin in my room but my bed is on wheels and it started to get really loud so i was like shit lets go in the living room. shit was gettin good on the nice sturdy couch. love hittin it over the arm rest:P and to our surprise, my dad gets up for work at 4am. we hurry up n threw the blankets over ourselfs and pretended we were tryin to get a video game on, but he knew what was up. ya think later that day a normal dad would high 5 you for those actions but yeh my dads a little church boy
Every once in a while I catch you drooling. are you aware of this and if so explain.. Colt: hahaha well it always happens when i smoke cripi, but uh on a regular basis i dunno maybe im just that degenerated
Do a trick and send me a picture. Colt: i dont have a cam but heres one i have saved.
If you had to guess what would you say your head is full of? Colt: first thing that comes to mind is water but ummm i dunno usually thoughts of boobies,music, -constant urge of danger-, confusion, girls, sex, ways of saving money, ways to make money,-my car-, my bike, my skateboard. the search for new things to romp off of, traveling,and gettin loose. i also often think where and -what the fuck will i be doin in 5 years.-
What's your best move? Colt: i like 360's, for some reason it doesnt seem like you land as hard when you spin than just jumpin off somthin. ninja drops are also rad and full speed gaps tickle my fancy. Pic: Bryce Toole
Would you like to call out anyone for any reason and start some trouble on the internet? Colt: yeah -rickey bates- and his radio rap ass. always tryin to act badass and drunk n shit if only everyone knew he drives around all day listening to t-pain and all that shit.
Alright.. Favorite thing to vom? Colt: natuaral ice. its the cheapest and easiest to get.would say whiskey but i often dont remember my nights of whiskey. cheap wine is also a top fav. sooooo yuummmmmy
How was having sex with my girlfriend? Colt: i beat itt up :P
Hmmm Interesting. How many times have you stolen joey's truck at 5 am with a 16 year old and ran into another car, then fist-fought your best friend? Colt: haha um only once, but one time 2 summers ago in pittsburgh, joey (juaristi), bobby (valentine), bill brown n some others randomly decided to go to wisconsin and he gave me his keys while he was gone and me and -ryan moorehead- got to venture pittsburgh for like a week just guessing how to get places hahaha.
Explain to everyone, in detail, your wildest ever acid trip.. Colt: hmmm thats tuff cuz they all are pretty mixed together. i do clearly remember a random fruit salad wash up on shore, and glowing horse shoe crabs, and hearing matalica playing from some abandon hotel, then we get closer and its a pool pump. universal was pretty intense on acid. it was like the lines were the rides for us. creepy ass castle line for dueling dragons is were shit got gnarly. there was one dark part of the castle where we thought we were walking into like a big ass cafateria with millions of people, demons and crazy faces, tthen walked a little further and relized we were still jsut in a single line. waaayy to much to explain the entire thing,but that shit is crazy.
how do you feel about being on sean burns top 8? Do you feel cool? Colt:
Okay, okay. A couple more.. Explain this combo picture:
Colt: o that was the game with the ass wafers. How big was the gal you humped in Pittsburgh last summer? Colt: About -james- and ahalf. Editors note: James weighs in at 270lbs.
-nosebonk bigger-. Pic: Justin [kts]. Okay last question: What would you be doing on the internet right now if you werent answering these questions? Colt: Prolly beatin on -Maxporn.-
